I have to say, this story goes beyond linear. This story is linear in a whole new, twisted way. Never before have I seen such hideously dull choices, and outcomes sometimes completely removed from them.
The story also seemed to force the reader through one path through many choices leading back to the same thing. It would have been better to just eliminate those choices than provide the illusion.
Finally, although you tried to make some kind of connection between the characters, with development amounting to: "you like her", I just thought: I don't give a shit, ESPECIALLY since your character has no choice but to be romantically inclined, yet you provide the illusion of that choice.
Finally, not saving some emotionless romantic figure does not condemn one to a life of loneliness. I'm sorry, that's just flawed logic there.
--
Rommel
1/2/2009 9:09:58 PM:
Wow. I really liked it! And I got out in the end without dying! YAYYYYYY!
So in the end, everyone in class was crushed and burned to death but at least our two protagonists can go out on a date. Good first story, I don't have anything to say that hasn't been said before.
--
Melike
1/2/2009 4:56:08 AM:
That was an interesting story, that got right down to the point, nothing wrong with that. However, there is something wrong with your choices. It's never a good thing when someone is reading a story on here, and one of the choices is: "Stay here and die" I mean, obviously no one is going to choose that one. Other than strange pointless choices, I liked it well enough to give it a four.
hmmm. you have a short but sweet plot. thats about it. choices dont seem to make much sense, grammar, and spelling were major problems. its a decent start, but more work is needed.
So, I tried to go to the door, and the game tells me, "no, let's go to the windows." So I go to the windows, and I get "the windows don't work, you have to go to the door."
Pros: attempts at character development, descriptive, does a decent job of drawing you into the plot.
Cons: Very linear, poor spelling
Overall a nice first game attempt.
Hmm. Better than I was expecting, I gave it a 4/8 and that's being generous. You can tell that you have potential to be an awesome writer, you just need to work on a few things (mainly editing), and watch the composition.
On the CYOA front, you have some major issues. First of all, there was ONLY one path. That means that, no matter what I chose, it all lead to one direction. I wanted to try the door: "No, don't try the door, the windows are closer." This would make a decent short story, but it's not really a choose-your-own-adventure. Read some articles and adventure through some of the top games, then improve based on those.
Overall, good effort, very strong first game. (You should see some of the shit we get).